“Hi sir, you are very kind. Thank you so much for stopping! Can you help me?” I asked the elderly gentleman gingerly as he pulled up his vehicle at my apparent wave of distress.
“How can I help you young man? Come, why don’t you get in the car first?” he boomed warmly, with the grace of someone who has already made it comfortably in life.
“Actually…, I need to go …somewhere really… really far away. Erm… I would appreciate the furthest place you can drop me which is convenient for you.” I spluttered as I got onto the car clumsily with my huge haversack.
The elderly gentleman did not flinch and calmly drove on, taking only mere moments to gather his thoughts, he gazed straight ahead and entered the highway.
“Hey know what? I’m going to Kuala Lumpur to meet some customers, is KL far enough? Do you have your passport?” he tested me.
“Oh, that would be really great! Yes, I have my passport right here!” I could hardly contain my excitement!
There were many times when I just felt like packing my bags and running far far away, somewhere where no one would know me. My first attempt was when I was 8, and this time I was 17.
“So where do you wanna end up? Do you have enough money?” He continuedly cautiously.
“I wanna be a hermit and live by myself where nobody knows me. There I can meditate and think about the deeper things of life. I dunno where I will end up but I think I dun need much money.” I felt vulnerable having revealed my secret to someone who I’m just met. But the kindness from his eyes and his being made me just wanna spill out everything to him. Actually others have often remarked the same trait about me.
I’ve never revealed this secret to anyone ever, and thought it would always stay with me. Till now..
“wow… young man. I’m impressed. For a moment I thought you’re running from some terrible mistake. Not many young people your age would think like you, but know what? I used to think like you too!” He smiled, almost to himself as the car glided across the Eastcoast highway towards the Tuas checkpoint.
“Really? so why didn’t you do it? That is the best thing in the world!” I queried him, totally surprised that someone else has entertained the exact same thoughts to seek a life of reclusion.
Then again, he is the only person I’ve ever shared this with. Who knows how many people have ever thought this way?
I started to feel small in my own thoughts.
“Yeah, I almost dropped everything to live in Nepal, amongst the Everest where I can live in solitude and ponder on the deeper things in life.” I almost gasped, that’s where I really wanna go, Nepal!
“But as I thought further, what good am I to my family, to friends, to society, if I have the greatest mind in the world, meditating the greatest thoughts, with no one to share them with and impact? Then I’ll just be a selfish fool. I decided I really wanted to make a diference daily where I am, right here.”
“Stop please, I understand you now. I’m just being selfish to wanna be alone away from everybody so that I can be on my own. There’s a lot more waiting for me here. Please drop me at the nearest bus stop or MRT I wanna go back now.”
“I’m glad you can think this way young man, the world is waiting for you to make a difference. I really believe one day you can. And I’ll be watching out for you!” he has already exited the highway and pulled up @ Lakeside MRT (train station)
“I’m (..name concealed..), what’s your name? ” he stretched his hand out to shake mine.
He shares the exact same name as me.
This meeting of my future self with my past self was inspired by Ros’ meme from Quotes in Can (see blogroll) and the title was inspired by Ruler (see blogroll)
It has kinda helped me to see myself in the past, paint a picture of myself in the future, and see where I am now.
Even if I have only 1 year left to live, I must make the fullest of it.
So, what is your future self like?